The cracks in my ceiling (Free Verse Poem)

Final Poem
Notes: Few punctuation corrected, things taken out, small words added. Given a title.

The cracks in my ceiling

Staring at the cracks in my ceiling has made me realize

My biggest fears have all come true.

For I am nothing,

With or with out you

I am nothing.

This insignificance,

This nothingness.

My darkest fears

Take over my body,

They control me.

I need to break free

I want too.

But with fear comes demons
and the demons

Keep me still in my bed
paralyzed with fear,

Staring at the cracks in my ceiling.

Second Draft


Staring at the cracks in my ceiling has made me realize
My biggest fears have all come true.
For I am nothing,
With or with out you
I am nothing.

This insignificance,
Nothingness.
My darkest fears,
Take over my body,
They control me.

I need to break free
I want too.
But the fear,
Keeps me still in my bed
Staring at the cracks in my ceiling,
Thinking about being nothing
                Notes: Few punctuation corrected, things taken out.

First Draft

Staring at the cracks in my ceiling has made me realize,
My biggest fears have all come true.
For I am nothing,
With or with out you,
I am nothing.

This insignificance,
Nothingness,
My darkest fears,
Take over my body,
They control me.

I need to break free,
I want too.
But the fear,
Keeps me still in my bed
Staring at the cracks in my ceiling,
Thinking about being nothing 

(The Martinian Stanza)

You crashed into my life like a wave,
Destroying my life like a tornado destroys a town.
We used to get along like two peas in a pod,
But you killed me with your sharp knife
We used to be as happy as little buzzing bees
But after you did that,
I was a crushed.
I loved you like I love the summer
And now I hate you like I hate the cold.
But can you honestly tell me now, that all of that was worth this?

A Clock and a Man (elegy)

An old clock and
An old man
Ticking to the same beat.
Once both youthful,
Time takes its toll on the faces of the clock
The man,
Unable to maintain its beauty
The clock breaks away
and slowly
it
stops
ticking

A new man,
Youthful and beautiful,
Restores the old beauty in the clock
And once it ticks,
The new man
And the clock,
Beat together

Tattered black leather ropes hold together a beautiful but scratched piece of aluminum. Etched in the metal sits the word Zombie, outlined in black with a black backing. Looking at it, it looks like a piece of junk, but the meaning behind it is so deep. One word has more meaning than anything, Zombie. It looks likes it's ten years old, an old soul some might say when really it's no more than a few months old.

Dear Mom and Dad

Dear Mom and Dad,

I know it's weird writing this letter to you guys because your just the perfect parents and you can do no wrong. Well, news flash, you're not perfect. Not even close. Obviously you're my parents so clearly, I love you. But love is a funny thing. It comes with hate, sadness, doubt and insecurity. You have caused me to feel everyone of these and, sometimes, all at the same time. Do you know how that feels? I'm gonna have to say no.

Do you know what it feels like to always be put last in the family? Everyone else is always put before me. Yes, I understand you have other children. Yes, I understand that Adam has problems and needs special attention but I deserve some attention too! I can't be put on the back burner all the time. How many times have you rearranged MY life for Adam and Melissa? A million. How many times have you done that to them? Two, Three times? You make me feel insignificant in this family! So, I sit in my room by myself and try not to bother you. That's when you yell at me.
"Jess you need to get out more!! Your lazy, go do something"
So, I go over a friends house or I go out to the mall or something. Then you just yell at me some more.
"Jess you're never home anymore. You're always gone!"
I can't win with you people.

A really great example just came up. Dad, you just put Melissa, a seven year old, in charge because "She's the only one who hasn't disappointed" you. I'm sixteen. I'm not going to be a perfect daughter but that's no reason to treat me like a warm pile of dog sh*t you have to go out in the rain to pick up.

I admit, Adam is talented. WAY more talented than I could ever hope to be. He plays the drums better than anyone I've ever met. Yes, that includes Jamie, the drummer to The Pretty Reckless but that doesn't mean you can treat me like a talentless hobo. I'm not hopelessly talented. I learned to play bass and sing because I knew that would make you happy. Yeah, I like doing those things but if we had a musical family would I be doing that stuff? No, probably not. I'm trying to be more open about singing but you make it hard for me.
"Jess stop. You're voice is giving me a headache"
Ten minutes later
"Jess we are SO supportive of you!!"
Bull sh*t.
"Jess you should start taking singing lessons again if you want to be in Adam's band"
Ok dad. Cool thanks. For the record, I couldn't give two sh*t's about the stupid band. I was forced into it.

Whenever people come over all you talk about is Adam. Adam this and Adam that. I know you love him most but you always talk about how perfect Adam is and then go on talking about all the bad things I do. IT'S NO WONDER THE WHOLE F*CKING FAMILY HATES ME. If people ask about me, you'll find some way to relate it back to Adam. You talk about band 24/7.
"Oh yeah, they need a singer but nobody good has signed up, they always have sucky singers"
*Side note, I've done band twice. Not once did they talk about me. If you're telling a story, on the rare occasion, that's good about me, you find a way to steal the spot light.
"Yeah, Jess got to meet her idol but WE got to go to the VIP section for FREE and hang out with cool people like Mike, from that radio station."

All of my friends love you guys for some reason. Maybe because they don't see what goes on when their not around. I wish I could live with Nicole's family or Natalie's. Maybe I'll live in the tree fort or run away and live by my self, where you won't be able to put me down anymore. My walls have taken a lot of damage from my release of anger. I've carved things in my closet wall, kicked holes next to my window, threw my phone at the wall, which by the way, is still dented.

Last of all, I'm sick of being put down, yelled at and ignored. Tonight for example, I didn't eat because you made everyone food that they liked and things that I didn't like but it's okay because according to you mom, I can afford to not eat dinner for a night. The things you say hurt. When any parent doesn't pay enough attention to you, it brings out a feeling of worthlessness. I guess that's all I have to say. Who knows, maybe you'll find this letter and actually understand how I feel and make an effort to fix it.

Yours truly,
Jess

Timed prompt

It was Christmas Eve. Fog stuck to the tarmac at Lindbergh Field. I looked down from the window of the airport, saying a silent goodbye from my seat in the terminal. Goodbye's are never easy but this one, was the hardest goodbye, I've ever had to say. I held our six year old daughter girl closely in my arms as she cried for her daddy. She didn't really understand what was going on but watching her dad, her favorite person in the world, get on a plane and fly away, was too much for her to handle. Her daddy wouldn't be home anytime soon, Not for Christmas, not for her seventh birthday, not for our anniversary or family parties or holidays. No, he would be spending those days, across the world, fighting to keep us safe. We sat there for a while, Lily and I, wishing her daddy would be home to see all the presents that Santa left under the tree for her.

Coming home from the party, a year after Charles was deployed, Lily fell asleep. It wasn't until two am that we arrived at our now empty home. It was decorated with cheerful decorations, Red and green streamers lined the stairs and our three stockings hung above the fire. After I put Lily to bed and placed all the presents under the tree, I finally went to be. It'd been a long, long day.

"Mommy, Mommy wake up!! Wake up, wake up, wake up!! It's Christmas!! HE CAME SANTA CAME. COME ON LETS GO! THERE'S LIKE A BAZILLION PRESENTS DOWN THERE!!" I put on my best smile and took Lily down stairs to watch her open her gifts. Dolls lay on the floor and there were stuffed animals and toys everywhere, but there was one more unopened present.
"Oh honey, looks like there's one more!!" She brought the present over to me.
"This ones for you Mommy."
I took the small box, wrapped in red paper with a little green bow and slowly opened it. Inside was a beautiful diamond necklace and a note.

I'm sorry I couldn't be there to see you and Lily open your gifts. I have one more surprise for you, look out side.

I ran over to the window. Standing out side, in the middle of a blizzard, was Charles, dressed in a Santa suit. Lily and I ran outside and held on to him as hard as we possibly could. This is what a family was supposed to do on Christmas. We could be a real family. 

"They let me home early this year. I'm done. I don't ever need to go back. I'm home"

It was all over.

PS: My story is not at all violent or sad. It has a nice happy ending, unlike what the author was describing. The protagonist in my story, starts sad but good things happen and in the end, good things happen to her, not terrible like the author said. 

What.

Oh great. An entire weekend with my grandma and the rest of my stupid family. Not only do I have to be with my grandma for a whole weekend, I have to be with her, with no reception and no Wi-Fi. Could this get any worse?

I couldn't be more excited to hang out with my granddaughter, I mean, I know she's mad at me for ratting her and her friend out to her parents but it's really not my fault that I caught them sneaking in at 3:30 in the morning. She brought that on herself.

I still hate her for ratting me out. Not only that but she's so negative and I'm pretty sure she has ADHD. She can't sit still for more than like a second.

I really hope me and Jess have a chance to talk. Maybe she can teach me some of that cool, hip, lingo all the kids are using these days. Is YOLO still a thing? I have to remember to ask her that. Damn, where's a piece of paper, I need to write that down. Ohh, how cute there's a little lady bug on the window. Come here little guy.

She also can't hear. Like, we bought her hearing aids so that she could actually hear what we were saying but she never wears them.

Shoot. What did I need to write down??

And it's not like she even liked me before the whole "me and Nicole sneaking back inside and Nicole getting stuck and falling through the window, and waking her up" incident. She's always liked everyone better than me anyway. Why should I have to try to pretend to be good when I'm around her if she already doesn't like me anyway?

Oh goodie, I just finished packing!! I can't wait to head up to the cabin. I gotta go grab Jess so we can head out!!

Oh great, she's here. I hate her car. It smells like old ladies and cigarettes. Gross.

                        "So Jess are you excited?? How's school??
                        "Yeah schools alright I guess. I..."
                        "WHAT?! YOUR PREGNANT??"
What.
                        "No Nonnie I said school was alright."
                        "Oh. You better be getting good grades. I don't need you disappointing me again."
Oh look!! A little hotel called The Ladybug Inn. I have to look that up.

Oh great, she pulled over. What the hell is she looking for? Okay... she's on her phone. Does she have to do that now? Honestly, I just want to get there.

How do you work this damn thing... Where's the internet. Safari...?? What the hell does that mean. Is it gonna bring up pictures of lions and stuff??

Ugh. I guess I should help her so we can get going.
                     "Here, Nonnie let me help"

Oh jeez. She's gonna screw something up. What the heck... why's she going on Safari??

Oh my god, I'm already bored. Why's she freaking out I'm trying to help her??

JESUS CHRIST SHE'S GONNA MESS MY WHOLE PHONE UP.
                          "Sorry Nonnie it won't work because there's no reception"
                         " Well god Jess, be careful I don't want you buying anything!!"
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod.

I need a cigarette.

Ew she's smoking, why can't she do that outside of the car ugh. What is she even doing?? What. It's ten thousand degrees in this car why doesn't she use her AC?? I CAN'T HANDLE THIS.

                           "Nonnie can we turn the radio on... please?
                           "No!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS?? THE RADIO MAKES MY CAR GO SLOWER!"

What the heck is she even talking about??
                 
 "So Jess, is YOLO still a thing? Should I start saying that??"

Oh my god bye.