Sunday, September 28, 2014


“Mom, i'll be fine by my self for the weekend. You guys go on your vacation, I'll call grandma and have her stay with me! Don't worry about it!”

“Nikki... I don't know if that a good idea...”

“Trust me mom, everything will be fine!!”

I can't believe my mom actually fell for that. What an idiot. As soon as my family pulled out of the driveway, I called Julia. She rushed over and burst through the door. “LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!”

“My mom is literally an idiot! She actually thought I was going to stay with my grandma!”

We ran out the door and down the street to 'the field'. Julia and I had been planning this for weeks! I was so excited! We met Nate and Dan at 'the field' and then started walking to Dan's house. I've always really liked Dan, so the fact that he actually wanted to hang out with me made me really happy.

We walked into Dan's empty house and into his living room. He went into the kitchen with Nate and came back with food and drinks. Then we went outside to wait for Kevin to come. I couldn't have been a more awkward person. Nobody was talking. We just sat there quietly. I hope he doesn't hate me. Nate, Dan, Kevin, Julia and I walked back into the house and down the stairs into a random room where Dan got out a metal box. From there we walked into his back yard and into a small camper. I knew what was in the box, I think everyone knew except Julia. She's so dumb.

Dan carefully opened his metal box and took out a lighter, weed and a bowl. He set everything up and started passing it around. Julia is such a good kid, I felt bad, she doesn't do things like this. I passed on my turn because I didn't want to make Julia uncomfortable. She wouldn't know what shes doing anyway, I swear I have the dumbest friends. Shortly after, we left and walked back to my house. We ordered a pizza and watched a movie. At this point it was almost 11:00 and my grandma decided to show up at my house. Why does she always have to ruin things? So my idiot grandmother walks in and yelled at everyone to leave. Julia and I walked them outside to goodbye. Little did I know, this night wasn't even close to ending.

About an hour later, after Julia and I had taken our makeup off, Dan called. He wanted to know if we wanted to hang out with them again. Like idiots, we agreed, put sweatshirts and makeup on and jumped out the window. Nobody saw, perfect. My grandma was down stairs asleep. I admit, I was a little worried but I wasn't really thinking about it much. I did this all the time, nothing would happen. We all walked down the street. We didn't know where we were going but nobody really cared. We walked silently down the street to a beach. The lake looked so beautiful at night. We hung out there for a few hours. Nate with Julia, Dan and I, and Kevin off by his self. Dan and I were watching Julia and Nate. He kept trying to kiss her, and she liked him. She kept pulling away from him. I wanted to go up to her and slap her. She's so stupid. We walked back, into my backyard. Dan and I went into my tree for while everyone else sat around a table, not talking. By this point it was about 2:30. I'd never been out that late before. I was starting to worry.

I think Dan could tell I was upset. He could also see me shivering, so he handed me his sweatshirt. He's such a gentleman. So there we were sitting in my tree fort talking. Everything went silent for a minute. It didn't last very long. Nate yelled up to Dan, “Are you guys kissing yet??” Did that mean he liked me? Was he going to kiss me? Quickly I changed the subject. I started talking about how tired I was. “I apologize in advance if I fall asleep.” Dan put his arm around me and pulled me closer. I could have stayed there all night. I looked up at him. He looked so cute. That's when he leaned in to kiss me. A million butterflies flew around in my stomach.

“Dude are you guys kissing yet??” Nate's timing couldn't have been worse. Halfway through the kiss I started laughing and pulled away. I hope he wasn't mad. I yelled at Nate to shut up and he was quiet. Dan and I sat there for hours. I looked at him again, I was half asleep but he didn't seem to care. He looked down and kissed me again. In that moment I forgot how to breathe. His lips touched mine gently. It was beautiful. The kiss lasted about ten minutes. Ten minutes of perfection. I couldn't have asked for a better night. We walked down the tree fort ladder and me and Julia silently climbed back in through the window and slithered up to my room, trying not to wake my grandma. We hopped into bed and fell asleep with beautiful thoughts in our head. I couldn't wait to wake up the next morning.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Dark Love (test)

Sitting alone in her dark room, Maria glanced over at the full bottle of pills sitting on her dresser. Teary eyed, she picks them up and opens the bottle. Shaking she brings the bottle of pills to her lips, she can feel them slowly sliding down the orange bottle. A sudden bang hits her window. She jumps and spills the pills all over the floor. The tears are now streaming down her face like a waterfall, fast and nonstop. She looks over at her second floor window. She cautiously walks over to it and looks down. Standing not twenty feet below her is her best friend Lucas, he lived on the other side of town at least a thirty minute car ride to her house. Lucas was the only one who knew about her 'problems'. He was the only one who could really help her

She rushed down stairs to unlock the door for him. Both her parents were upstairs asleep, dead to the world. It's not like they cared about her anyway. If it wasn't her dad stumbling home drunk and yelling at her, it was her mom drugged out of her mind, too numb to even acknowledge her existence.

She opened the door and ran into his arms. He held her tightly.  He was out of breath and sweating, but it didn't bother her, she was just happy that he was there.

“Lucas what are you doing here?” She had stopped crying for the moment.

“Maria I can tell when your not okay. I knew something was wrong and I ran here as fast as I could. I didn't want anything to happen to you... are you okay?”

Maria was still in shock. It was two in the morning. Did Lucas really care about her that much? She hugged him again. She didn't want to let go. She could have stayed safe, in his arms, all night.

“I'm okay now.” she whispered softly. “Thank you” Lucas didn't know how much that meant to her. He just saved her life.

A few weeks after, Maria and Lucas were walking down the street. She looked over at him and for the first time, felt something new, different. She looked at him with love. Not the best friend kind of love that she usually felt towards Lucas but real love. Warmth and compassion. Lucas looked back at her the same way, with love. They put their feelings aside, being careful not to ruin their friendship. Neither knew how the other felt.

The next week Lucas decided to tell Maria that he loved her.

“Maria, I know this sounds weird because we've been friends for our whole lives but I just really need to tell you this. So here it goes...”

 He explained everything to her as they walked to the park and sat on a bench. Maria was surprised. She always thought Lucas only liked her as a friend.

“Maria I lo-” she leaned over and kissed him, interrupting his sentence, and he kissed her back.

They sat there in silence for a few moments until he grabbed her hand and started to get up. Maria followed him. She didn't know where they were going but when he was with her, she felt safe. He walked with her into the center of the city and over to a random rundown building. He took her inside and they walked up the stairs. Maria had no idea where they were but again, she felt safe.

They walked into a dark stairway and he opened the door. A bright light blinded her and the crisp fall wind blew her hair out of her face. She looked out to find he had taken her up to the roof. She looked back at him and then walked over to the edge and looked out. You could see everything from there. It was breathtaking.

Lucas sat down next next to Maria and looked at her.

“If I had to choice between seeing this view everyday or seeing you, I would pick you hands down. I love you so much that it hurts.” He smiled a goofy smile and she laughed. “ I love you too Lucas.”

That became their spot. Every Friday night Maria would meet Lucas up there and they would watch the sunset together and admire the beauty. Maria had never been happier. Lucas had never been more in love. A few times, they fell asleep watching the city turn from a busy day to a sleepy night.

April 29, 2017. It was 4:19 in the afternoon when Maria heard the noise of the phone ring. She groaned and rolled off her bed and answered it. It was Lucas's mother. Maria couldn't understand what she was saying but she seemed upset. She ran over to Lucas's house to find his mother curled up on the couch, unresponsive. She walked over to her and put a hand on her shoulder.

“..Is everything okay? Where's Lucas?”

His mom looked at Maria. Her eyes were red and her face was wet with tears. She explained that Lucas was in a bad car accident and was rushed to the hospital where he died a few hours later.

Maria didn't know what to do. She walked home numb with pain and sat down on her bed and just sat there. She didn't cry, she didn't move. She just sat. She didn't even move when she heard the front door open. Her father came stumbling into her room, drunk. He smelled like liquor, cigarettes and cheap perfume. He was yelling at her. She couldn't hear him but she could see his mouth moving and she could feel him spitting on her face, stuttering with every word. He stumbled and fell to the floor. She stood up, stepped over her fathers frigid body, and slowly walked out of the house, down the street and all the way to Lucas's spot on the roof.

She sat there for a while, thinking. By then it was the morning, and the morning turned into the afternoon and she didn't move. She just sat there, thinking. Then slowly she stood up and walked over to the railing. She swung her legs around and sat over the edge of the 7 story building. She stood up on the thin copper pole and she let go. She didn't jump. She just let go and fell. She would finally be with Lucas and she could finally be happy. She fell one hundred feet all the way to the bottom, but this time Lucas wasn't there to save her.

Thursday, September 18, 2014


Most people get bored in school or in church but how embarrassing is it when you get bored so easily you can't even have one boyfriend for more than a month?

Losing boyfriends is like a talent. Ever since eighth grade, whenever I do had a boyfriend, I always end up getting really and breaking up with them. I feel like a horrible person but I mean, hey, it's not my fault I'm easily disinterested.

There's this one guy though, for the purpose of this story we will be calling 'X'. I dated him after Josh, and for some reason I keep going back to 'X'. I'm not really sure why. Every time I date a new guy, I always end up talking to 'X' again and then breaking up with my other boyfriend. I honestly couldn't tell you how many times this has happened. It's probably been over ten. Each time we start talking again, I fall for his games and it always ends really badly. Something just keeps bringing me back to him. Each time it happens I'll tell my self that it HAS to be the last time and then, not a month later I fall for him again and we start all over.

I think he's the only guy I can really trust and rely on. I keep trying to look for a guy similar to him because I've honestly liked him since the day we met. I want a connection like the one we used to have but each time we start talking again, we fight and stop talking for a while and I hate it. It's his fault I can't have a boyfriend for more than a month. I compare everyone to 'X' and to me he was perfect, so now everyone I compare to him seems... well boring.

Each time I find a guy who I think I like, I'll date him then realize a few days later that I don't actually like him. Honestly, who does that?? Quickly and sadly, I think of 'X'. If he actually liked me then I wouldn't be having this problem but no. All I want is to have a boyfriend who I can actually keep for more than a month but I can't because I keep getting bored! Some people can fix their problems and they can work on their faults but how am I supposed to fix this? It's not something I can just blow off and think “Okay it's whatever”, as much as I would love to do that, my mind doesn't work that way. Don't ask me why because believe me if I knew, I would fix it and maybe actually be in a relationship that actually works out for once.

Okay, lets go over all my failed relationships. So it started with this one guy, who we will call 'J', it was seventh grade and we dated for eight months. He was an awful boyfriend, I wasn't even allowed to talk to his cousin because he thought I would cheat on him. He was extremely over protective and not only that but he always tried to talk me into doing things I didn't want to do. Then, after 'J', was 'X' and I’ve already told that story so then after 'X' was 'C'. I liked 'C' he was cool and nice. He was a little awkward but hey, so am I. I'm going to be honest, things with 'C' got a little creepy, so I broke up with him. I was also bored... big surprise there right? We are still friends today so I guess it all worked out in the end. I broke up with 'C' for this guy, 'K'. He played guitar in my band. He was nice but maybe a little to nice, you know? He was probably the most uninteresting out of all my boyfriends. He took one month to hug me. He was also a boy scout, not like that's bad or anything just maybe a little to 'good' for me. I broke up with 'K' for 'X' and that didn't work out either, another big surprise. We got in a big fight and broke up. Then I dated, I'm running out of letters so I guess we will call him, 'G'. He never even liked me. Honestly, why date someone if you don't like them? So, I have a fan page for Adam Lambert and he found it and started looking at it. That was supposed to be a private account so I blocked him on it and then a few weeks after we break up I heard he made a different account so he could see it. That actually scared me a little. Who does that? So 'G' and I broke up and now here I am.

I honestly feel bad for my next boyfriend. I'm only going to end up comparing him to 'X' and getting bored and breaking up with them. I wonder if I went back to the day I met him, if I would still be getting bored in every relationship I'm in...