Boys,Boys,Boys

Most people get bored in school or in church but how embarrassing is it when you get bored so easily you can't even have one boyfriend for more than a month?

Losing boyfriends is like a talent. Ever since eighth grade, whenever I do had a boyfriend, I always end up getting really and breaking up with them. I feel like a horrible person but I mean, hey, it's not my fault I'm easily disinterested.

There's this one guy though, for the purpose of this story we will be calling 'X'. I dated him after Josh, and for some reason I keep going back to 'X'. I'm not really sure why. Every time I date a new guy, I always end up talking to 'X' again and then breaking up with my other boyfriend. I honestly couldn't tell you how many times this has happened. It's probably been over ten. Each time we start talking again, I fall for his games and it always ends really badly. Something just keeps bringing me back to him. Each time it happens I'll tell my self that it HAS to be the last time and then, not a month later I fall for him again and we start all over.

I think he's the only guy I can really trust and rely on. I keep trying to look for a guy similar to him because I've honestly liked him since the day we met. I want a connection like the one we used to have but each time we start talking again, we fight and stop talking for a while and I hate it. It's his fault I can't have a boyfriend for more than a month. I compare everyone to 'X' and to me he was perfect, so now everyone I compare to him seems... well boring.

Each time I find a guy who I think I like, I'll date him then realize a few days later that I don't actually like him. Honestly, who does that?? Quickly and sadly, I think of 'X'. If he actually liked me then I wouldn't be having this problem but no. All I want is to have a boyfriend who I can actually keep for more than a month but I can't because I keep getting bored! Some people can fix their problems and they can work on their faults but how am I supposed to fix this? It's not something I can just blow off and think “Okay it's whatever”, as much as I would love to do that, my mind doesn't work that way. Don't ask me why because believe me if I knew, I would fix it and maybe actually be in a relationship that actually works out for once.

Okay, lets go over all my failed relationships. So it started with this one guy, who we will call 'J', it was seventh grade and we dated for eight months. He was an awful boyfriend, I wasn't even allowed to talk to his cousin because he thought I would cheat on him. He was extremely over protective and not only that but he always tried to talk me into doing things I didn't want to do. Then, after 'J', was 'X' and I’ve already told that story so then after 'X' was 'C'. I liked 'C' he was cool and nice. He was a little awkward but hey, so am I. I'm going to be honest, things with 'C' got a little creepy, so I broke up with him. I was also bored... big surprise there right? We are still friends today so I guess it all worked out in the end. I broke up with 'C' for this guy, 'K'. He played guitar in my band. He was nice but maybe a little to nice, you know? He was probably the most uninteresting out of all my boyfriends. He took one month to hug me. He was also a boy scout, not like that's bad or anything just maybe a little to 'good' for me. I broke up with 'K' for 'X' and that didn't work out either, another big surprise. We got in a big fight and broke up. Then I dated, I'm running out of letters so I guess we will call him, 'G'. He never even liked me. Honestly, why date someone if you don't like them? So, I have a fan page for Adam Lambert and he found it and started looking at it. That was supposed to be a private account so I blocked him on it and then a few weeks after we break up I heard he made a different account so he could see it. That actually scared me a little. Who does that? So 'G' and I broke up and now here I am.

I honestly feel bad for my next boyfriend. I'm only going to end up comparing him to 'X' and getting bored and breaking up with them. I wonder if I went back to the day I met him, if I would still be getting bored in every relationship I'm in...